Day 96- Merry dayafterChristmas!

I can't believe that 1.) Christmas has come and gone, and 2.) I am 96 days into training. How in the world does time pass so quickly, and where does it all go? 96 days, that's almost 100. Crazy. And with Christmas, I feel like there is so much build up, and I need time to slowly sink into the Christmas spirit and get used to listening to carols on every radio station all day long, and then it just goes in one little 24 hour period. I'm always shell shocked when its over. Absolutely crazy.
And since my lungs have recovered and the ice on the roads has (almost) melted, I am finally back to running normally again. Which is to say, I am back on my training plan. It's been a little hard jumping back in, which is scary to say because I only lost about a week or so. But since the marathon is less than a month away (really, its like 2 weeks away...ahhhhhh!!!), I need to be kicking my own butt into gear. And with that, I would like to write a little bit about obedience, because it's been a theme ever since day 1 in my thoughts and training, and it's time to get it all out there.
Obedience is hard. Not just obedience to authority like your parents or laws or things like that, but even to things like a diet, and to yourself, and to God especially. Before I started this training program, I read a book called "What I am talking about when I talk about running," by an author whose name I forget (I think its like...Haruki Muryakami or something similar). It wasn't such a good book, but it did have a few sentences that have been streaming through my mind ever since I read them. There is an episode where he is talking to an olympic runner, and he asks him if he ever just feels lazy and doesn't feel like running. And the olympian says "yes, i feel like that almost every day." First I felt relieved, because I feel this way every day. And if this guy can make a career out of something he feels this way about, then I can finish a few months of training and a big race. But it really is a salient point, because sometimes, and really most of the time, we just have to do things that we dont feel like doing. That truth applies to everything, from getting out of bed in the morning to eating vegetables to flossing.
But what I'm talking about is more than just obedience for basic maintenance. There are a few days when I really can't wait to get out and run, but most days its an internal struggle, and I mean a fierce one, to get myself to put on my running shoes and go outside. ESPECIALLY when it's cold. I do it anyways, though, because the end of it all is incredible. Its SO hard to see the big picture and sometimes its even impossible, but I just have to. And it's the same way with God. Recently I have been having some struggles with being obedient to God. Even with little things, it's hard to yield. There are different reasons I think: sometimes it's just because I see something I want and I think my way is better than anything God could give (which is ridiculous); other times, I just don't want somebody telling me what to do. In the end, though, it's just the same as running. There is a bigger picture, and sometimes I can see it, but most the time I can't. I've just got to trust that God can see the end from his view and it is BEAUTIFUL. And making each and every single decision to do what is best is an internal struggle (sometimes big, sometimes not so big), but I just need to suck it up and slip on my shoes.
Some people say obedience gets easier, and I agree somewhat, but for the most part, I don't think it does. It's hard every time, and I don't know if there will ever be a point in my life where I will always be happy to submit. But even the saints, the "professionals" if you will, felt that way, so you just gotta do it.

Day 86

I have bronchitis. It is Tuesday, and I haven't run since Saturday morning. It's not the end of the world, but I am a little worried that it is going to be tough to start going again. But I can tell you that I have never been so thankful for healthy lungs as I am now that I know what it feels like to not be able to breathe. Seriously, yesterday I had to take 2-3 breaks every time I got up out of my chair. Unbelievable that some people live like that every day.

But all this inactivity has given me a lot of time to think, and I was reading my bible last night when I got this revelation on what love means, and it comes from 1 John 4. So the phrase in this passage, "God is love," is thrown around a lot, and to be honest, I have never understood it (not that I do fully now, but I'm a little closer). After doing a little digging, I noticed that in the bible, love is synonymous with self sacrifice. It is not an emotion, how I and I think a lot of people in our culture think of it. In fact, I am pretty sure that the culture the Jesus lived in was a relatively unemotional one in general. I mean, a man considered his wife and children as possessions, and those were his family. So this whole notion of love is completely based on actions and not emotion, and the whole bible demonstrates that the greatest action a person could do is to deny himself something to give to another. This is what love is. Love and self-sacrifice are one in the same; there cannot be one without the other.
In 1 John chapter 4, there is this step by step explanation of love, and it seems like it's an Idiot's Guide in simplicity, but without the understanding that love is an action and not an emotion, the significance is lost. The step-by-step goes something like this: We should love each other because God loves us. We can only love each other if we know God, though, because God has created/embodied/exemplified love ("God is love"). God loved us first, and that's the only reason we can really know what it is to love God back. We know God loved us because he sent Jesus, and confessing that this is true enables us to believe that God loves us. Abide in this, and God will abide in us, and there is nothing to be afraid of. "Perfect love casts out all fear."
I guess this is important to me because I struggle a lot with believe God loves me. I think most people do, and it's because I gauge the truth of God's love by my daily feelings, if i feel like God is looking on me with love or disgust that particular day. But this passage, and the whole bible really, tells me thats wrong. The fact that Jesus was sent by God and came and died so that we would be forgiven is just that, a fact. No magic, it was a factual transaction. So if I believe that, then I am believing that God loves me. He did the action. He loves me. They are the same. And because of that, I have nothing to be afraid of, ever. Yes, there is value in emotions in spirituality, but something this foundational needs to be understood concretely, and I need to make sure that the way I love people is through actions too!

Day 72

Something wonderful happened yesterday and I would like to share it.
Since Thanksgiving weekend was this past weekend and there was so much to do, I didn't have any time for my weekend 20 miler, so I put it off until Monday, which was yesterday. It was supposed to rain all day and be in the mid 50's (happy december 1st, new england?) , but instead it was in the mid 50's and beautifully sunny, which made for excellent running conditions. And thats not even the good part. So I left from my dad's house and was coming up the main road when I passed a man in an electric wheelchair. From the little POW-MIA license plate he had attached and the American flag that he had flying, I'm guessing he was a veteran. So I passed him, and he yelled out "run a few laps for me!" and I said "will do!" and he said "beautiful! you're absolutely beautiful!" Now. I don't think he was talking so much about my physical features as he was about the fact that I had a healthy body and a strong pair of legs and I was out running while he was not able to. And ya know, I think most people, at some time in their lives, have encountered someone who they would consider disadvantaged, whether physically or monetarily or socially or whatever, and have been amazed at how happy they are. Really, this guy was so positive. And I know it was only a few words exchanged, but I just knew he was genuinely excited for me to be running, and not at all bitter, like I think I might be should we trade places.
And even though I have met tons of 'disadvantaged' people (that's not derogatory in any way, btw) and thought that they were really warm and happy, it's one of those things that I a) didn't heartily believe enough to think about, or b) just really didn't think about. Until now. But I think its because people who live in really crappy circumstances have this realization that things aren't going to get any better in that regard, and they see clearly that this thing, whatever they lack, will not fill them up. So they know what true happiness is, and I've got to believe that true happiness is not contingent on things that can be taken away, or else people with nothing would be miserable instead of some of the most genuinely happy people I've ever met. And with people like me on the other hand, who have been given limitless opportunities and have everything we need, there is this thought that a little bit more of whatever is always attainable (this IS America, after all), and somewhere therein lies life getting better. I mean, who is going to stop you from achieving your dreams, because we are always bombarded with the thought that we can if we try really hard, and its always seemed like a positive thing. But its not. We just want more, and it sounds cliche, but its so true. It doesn't even have to be money or material things. This is being really vulnerable, but I think with me, it's this thought deep down that getting married will be when my life really starts to be fulfilling. But that's not true. I have everything I need to be satisfied right here and now, and so does everyone once they give up hope of getting more. Talk about a revelation on what Thanksgiving really should focus on. So give up hope. Really. It's what I need to do.
And it is so beautiful that I can run every day. How much beauty do I miss daily by looking for more?

Day 67- Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is a magical holiday, and its not just because you can eat a lot and not feel bad. In fact, I'm so full of cranberry sauce and peanut butter pie that I'm not really appreciating that aspect of it so much. But what I really like is that it officially kicks off Christmas, and all the spiritual significances aside, its a month full of traditions. I love traditions. Today, there was the usual cheeseball and crackers for breakfast while watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (and even though the Jonas brothers were not there, it was still pretty good). We added another one, though, as Jessica ran a 5k with me. Although she hasn't exactly agreed to make it a tradition, I think she did way too well to end her running career with this one. We finished in 32 minutes, and our first two miles were sub-10 minute miles. Which is awesome. So, hopefully, there will be a Turkey Trot every Thanksgiving. (And this one wasn't called a 'turkey trot', but that name is so cute that I am applying it to all races happening on Thanksgiving.)
It was definitely a great way to launch myself back into running in MA since I have just returned from a 2 week trip to VA. I spent a week with my bff Kathryn Waller, who is home from Madagascar for a few weeks for a wedding, and that was fantastic. I got some good runs in too, including one with Bobby, who will also be running the marathon in January. So even though the unlimited access to Waller cookies that lasted all week through the diet for a bit of a loop, my training regiment stayed strong, and everything is looking good.
Sweet. Have a very Happy Thanksgiving : )

Day 50

So today I was finishing up my run and I was on Franklin street headed back to the neighborhood. What you need to know is that while Holbrook isn't exactly a thriving metropolis or anything, its big enough to have 2 Dunkin Donuts and 2 elementary schools within a pretty small radius. This isn't a farming community. Franklin street is the main street that runs through town, and it's considerably busy. So like I said, today I was running on Franklin Street and I heard a bell behind me, but it was faint through the Coldplay coming through my headphones, and I didn't think much of it. Then I came to an intersection and stayed running-in-place so a car could turn in without hitting me, and traffic started to stop up a bit. I figured it it was because the car was turning, and cars stop when that happens on a 2-lane road. Then I continued running and I noticed that I could hear the bell again, but it was a cowbell (which is strange for bikes), and it wasn't getting any louder, though it was louder than before. Thinking that it might be someone with a bell trying to pass me (?), I scooted over into the grass after a while and peeked over my shoulder. It wasn't a bike. It was a pair of goats following me. Just trotting along with me. You might think I'm kidding, but I'm not. This is my life. So I turned around and the momma goat (I think it was the mom, because it was bigger than the other) ran out into the road, where cars had thankfully already begun to stop. The baby goat just stuck with me though and kept looking up at me like I knew where to take it, so I started walking in the opposite direction, where I guess it came from. After a few moments of following me, the baby ran out into the street too, and they wouldn't move. Instead of moving, they just peed in the street, and what I learned today is that goats can pee a lot. I thought maybe I should go and grab their collars, but goats might bite, and I didn't want to risk it. I mean, geese bite, and my past with geese is a traumatic one, so why wouldn't goats? By this point, I think people thought the goats were mine, because they had followed me, and I was just standing there on the side of the road watching the goats, calling to them and trying to decide what to do. Luckily, a man got out of his truck and herded the goats into a gated yard. Whether they were his or not, I don't know, but he gave me a thumbs up and I took it as my cue that the situation was under control.
If that wasn't enough, just before I got to my street, I heard barking, and looked up to see a HUGE dog barking ferociously and bounding towards me. And his owner kept shouting "Petey! Want a treat? Want a treat Petey?" No. Petey didn't want a treat. He wanted to jump on me and nip at me. I thought that, maybe since I have past semi-professional experience with dogs, maybe I could deal with him. Wrong. He didn't bite me though, and the owner was able to get him into her car.

Anyway, I just hope that my runs keep this level of excitement.

Day 47

I can't believe that I've already been training for 47 days. 47 sounds like a lot of days, unless you look at it like a month and a half, which really isn't that much. My halfway point isn't until later in November, and I'm trying to save my halfway point report for that day, but I do have to say that I training is going successfully, and that I've somehow managed to run my long runs without music, and finish strong too. I mean, I usually have to drag myself the last mile or so, but the fact that I can run 18 miles and run the whole way catches me off guard sometimes. I don't know how I can, and it's crazy that something like that is so mental.

Anyway, I have been feeling kind of blah recently (and by recently, I mean for the past month or so) because God seems kind of far away. And I know that he is there, and I know what the bible says about his love and character, but there is a disconnect between the facts that I am supposed to hold to and what I feel. I just need God to really SHOW me his love, and that might not be all of it, but thats huge right now. But in thinking about it, I realized that I ask God for this a lot. I mean, I have a good life, and just waking up breathing and able to move every day is a demonstration of God's blessing in my life and his love. And yet, I get like this sometimes, where I just don't feel affirmed and no amount of knowledge can give the kind of strength needed to keep going. Does God ever get tired of it though? I know I am human, but I get really tired of being around needy people who always need to be affirmed, you know, the people who always need someone to validate them. I just get tired of it. And if they don't get it by the millionth time I have told them, when will they ever get it? But if God has the character that I think he does, he doesn't get tired of it, and he won't give up on loving us.

My church is reading through the whole bible, and we are in Leviticus for the old testament portion. Well, actually they are in numbers, and I am behind and still in Leviticus. But up to this point, Israel has strayed from God on several occasions, but God keeps showing mercy. The thing is, it's not explicitly stated that he loves them, its that he made this promise to Abraham that Israel would be his people, and he was bound by that. Don't get me wrong, God can do whatever he wants, but he doesn't break promises. So maybe I am just seeing the story in small increments, but where is this very loving, cuddly God that I want to think about responding to me? Or is the fact that he shows mercy and takes them back every time they betray him enough of a demonstration of love in the first place? I dont know, and maybe this is going to be about me discovering more of God's real character. But what I do know is that at the very base of everything is my belief in God and my ability to have a relationship that only comes from Jesus, and if that is the very least, then that is more than enough.

I don't know. Just some thoughts. But tomorrow is 20 miles, and I am dreading it a little bit.

Day 43

So tomorrow is election day, and I can't WAIT for all the mud slinging and campaign money spending and heated debating to end. At this point, my desire for anyone to win overshadows my desire for one particular candidate to win, just so that the election will be over.
I mean, I don't really mean that. I am decided in who I am voting for, and I hope he wins, but if he doesn't, I don't think America is going to plummet into a pit of despair. I've been thinking a LOT about this election, as I hope many people have, and I have been going back and forth on who I am voting for, but in the end, it's going to be for McCain, and that's not a wishy-washy decision either. I think he will be a strong leader and make very wise decisions for the country, even if I don't agree with him on every single issue (like education, which is a big thing for me to compromise on). As far as I can tell, he's got a lot of integrity and is not afraid to have an opinion, even if it is not popular in his party, which is a lot more than can be said about Obama. So there it is. I mean, that's not the whole reasoning behind it, but it will suffice.
But I had a conversation with Monica this morning that is reflective of what I have been thinking about lately, and that is morality. Tomorrow I'm not only voting for president, but also on the legalization of a small amount of marijuana, banning dog racing, and dropping the state income tax. Those really aren't that huge in the moral scheme of things, but I've been thinking about what I believe is right and wrong, and whether it's ok to vote that onto the whole state, or nation. Some topics are easier than others. Prayer in school, for instance, should absolutely not be made into law. That is ridiculous, and any person who has a relationship with God can pray whenever they want, and does not need extra time allotted from the school day to do so. And I don't think that anything else that asserts Christianity as a faith should be made into law. But then there is this blurry line on moral issues, like abortion. Or marijuana. Or homosexual marriage. And generally, I don't think that faith reasons should be used in arguing these points on a legal scale, either. Like, to say that homosexual marriage shouldn't be allowed because God wouldn't want it is not sufficient, even for me, and even when I agree with that point personally. There have got to be other reasons for it to be a law. But then my heart breaks for this country because we are having these dilemmas in the first place. This is not how God intended for us to live life. So when I think about these things, naturally, my first instinct is to vote to preserve conditions to obey God's biblical laws. But I also know that this doesn't necessarily do any good, because you can't legislate fear of the Lord. God himself said and demonstrated that laws won't turn a person's heart towards him. A changed heart has to cause behavior change, and not the other way around.
It's really a tough question, and when I think about it a lot, I struggle to figure out how faith really fits into the world of politics, and secretly I'm glad the nobody who is a strong Christian (i.e. Mike Huckabee) has made it into the white house, because as far as I can figure, those two things just aren't compatible. So the only solution, then, is to keep on praying for more and more people in the country to come to know and love God, then these questions won't arise.

Ok. I need to go to work now.
Ps- I ran 18 miles yesterday and then went to work after, and I didn't even die. Whabam!

Day 37

I used to think that it was just always cold in Massachusetts, but thats not 100% true. Really, the weather is kind of weird. For a few days, it got really fall-appropriately cold, like you would expect from October in Massachusetts. But then it keeps getting warm, and cold, and warm again, and it's really emotionally taxing because I just cant decide how to feel, or how to dress, really. Today is really cold and rainy and windy, and you better believe I ran in a downpour this morning to "beat the rain" that just happened to go away this afternoon. Sunday and yesterday were both very nice, which is good because I had 16 miles this weekend. It was so nice in fact that I wore a skirt and was almost convinced it was spring. To top off the perfection, I was walking to the library when a chipmunk (and I think they are much cuter than squirrels) ran out from under a bush and stopped right at my feet and looked up at me-he didn't even run away! And right after I said hello to him, a LADY BUG landed on me. THEN a light breeze blew through my hair and birds sang. It sounds just like a scene from Enchanted, and I swear its all true! At this rate, I'm hoping to be fully Disney Princess just in time for the marathon.
Speaking of all that, Halloween is this Friday. I'm really excited about it, but it's hard to decide exactly how to celebrate it. I mean, eating candy is an obvious necessity, but its hard to figure out my role in this holiday since I'm too old to trick-or-treat and I don't have a kid to take. I don't even have a class to throw a party for. So I guess I just hand out candy, but do I dress up? Because I really want to, but how many adults dress up in costumes to stay home and hand out candy? And where can I wear a costume anyways, besides a bar where I won't be the only female not in lingerie? I really need to make friends that have Halloween parties. Its the only way to bring more Halloween into my life.
And while we are on Holidays, I started listening to Christmas music last week. Not that I'm the type to skip over holidays to get to Christmas in a hurry, but I just like it. And really, if Christmas is so important and sacred because it focuses on Jesus' birth, then shouldn't that be reflected upon for more than just the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas? I think so.
And one last random thought that popped into my mind while I was listening to a Christmas song by Clay Aiken- I know he came out a while ago, but was it really necessary for him to declare that he is gay? Wasn't it obvious, or did I just jump to that conclusion and end up right by chance?

day 28- and hanson

Today did not include any running. But it did include one of the most ridiculous 16-hour periods of my life, and thats because I went to a Hanson concert today.
A little background: when I was 12, I was obsessed with Hanson. Like, buy ever tigerbeat, plaster my walls in posters that I kissed goodnight daily, recorded and still have every t.v. appearance ever obsessed. And then as Mmmbop died out, so did my over the top love. Little did I know that a flicker of that flame remained, to be rekindled by my best friend and music mentor Kathryn Waller, during my second year of college when I found out they were still making music, and phenomenal music at that. So from that point on, I considered myself a fan. Fast-forward a few years, and a girl named Katie from Massachusetts comes back from a year in Japan and prays that God would give her a new friend because her old ones have changed. And as icing on the cake, God, a friend who likes Hanson would be nice. Enter: me. I mean, what are the chances of two Hanson lovers meeting at a not-Hanson-based event? Slim to none, really. So we plan on going to the concert on October 19th.
Well. I thought I was a fan until I met Katie, with her daily hanson.net updates, and her having every c.d. ever made (Japanese AND American versions, because each has 2 unique songs). Then I still thought I was just a fan on a lesser scale, until today. I am not a true Hanson fan. I like, even love their music, but a fan? Ha. Not a chance. Because Hanson fans don't have normal jobs because they have to be able to take days at a time off in the middle of the week to see a show 3 states away. And they don't have lives of their own, because they are so busy following the lives of the Hanson brothers via blogs, fan sites, and other stalking-enabling media that who would have time anyway? And REAL fans don't even play cards with normal playing cards, because they have ones with caricatures of the brothers and somebody named "puff broccoli" as the joker, and it doesn't matter if they cost $15 dollars a pack because the cards enable them to play games with other real fans and have inside jokes and fight over who Taylor really belongs to. Oh. My. Goodness.
So here is how the day went: I thought I was going to get to the show at like, 5, because doors opened at 6 and the show started at 7. Too bad I was 12 hours late on that estimate. Katie said we should get there by 8 to line up because the venue was standing room only, first come first serve, and as long as we were there early, the fans have a whole number system they all honor. So I showed up about 8:30 and Katie was running late, and there were several cars parked out front, but no line. So I knocked on the window of one of the cars, and the girl very matter-of-factly told me that someone had screwed everyone over by calling the venue management, who said we couldnt sleep outside (how dare they) or even line up before 10, and then it was a mad dash. Fine. I can do mad dashes. So Katie and I mad-dashed at 10 am, and we were numbers 10 and 11 in line, and that was fine with me. So then the sitting outside began, and it was FREEZING and windy and almost miserable. But I got myself some Dunkin hot chocolate, and wrapped up in a blanket, and parked it right in front of a cute security guard who thought we were nuts. But I'm not nuts. Not in a million years compared to REAL Hanson fans.
Katie and I were sandwiched in line between a few interesting characters. In front of us, Kimono girl, named such because she wore a Kimono (well, it was short, so like a half-Kimono) that was handmade and had the words "Take The Walk" (explained later) and other Hanson references painted onto it. This was paired with a pair of khaki cargos, and I later found out that this was not her sole Kimono, but that she hand-makes them to hopefully sell one day, but specially embellishes them for Hanson concerts. Oh my. So I didn't just conclude that she was crazy based on her outfit, but that should give you a clue into some of the behaviors she displayed throughout the day, including getting "really angry, because she just wants to have a decent conversation with Zac Hanson but at every concert, everyone always crowds around and hogs them and wants pictures." Duh.
Behind Katie and I were a couple of gems who had just befriended each other during the previous night's Hanson concert. The two women met online on the Hanson MySpace page that one of them keeps up semi-professionally, as she had offered her home to anyone who was coming in for the concert either night. Now, both were either married or engaged, both had 2 younger children, and both were over the age of 26. And yet, both spent 2 days camped out to attend Hanson shows, passing the time by talking about how they just wanted a picture with Taylor to complete the trio and their lives, and about how their significant others hated Hanson but screw them, and playing the card games in the afformentioned manner. Not only that, but they discussed how they didn't have money for food for the day, or to buy groceries for their kids, but they have gone to every Hanson show (at $40 each) within a 200 mile radius for who knows how many years, and last night they spent $80 on t-shirts and books that they didn't have but desperately wanted. What?!
So at 2 O'Clock, Hanson came out to do this thing they do at every concert, called The Walk, which is also the title of their cd. They have several charities going in Africa (I'm not sure which part), including digging wells, donating shoes, schools and cell phones, and donating to aids research, so that is the theme of the tour. So they come out and have all the fans walk a mile barefoot and then for every participant, they donate a dollar of their own money to one of their charities that the participant selects, and its all fine and dandy. I think its a great idea and raises awareness. The real fans also like it because its a chance to walk and talk with the guys, and by walk and talk with, I mean herd around and try to convince them to take pictures with them. At the end of the walk, I heard an exchange between Zac and a girl, and it went like this:
Girl: Zac! Take a picture with me!
Zac: Have you registered that you finished the walk yet?
Girl: No
Z: I'm only doing pictures with people who have done that first.
G: Well I am not doing it until I get a picture.
Z: You're a cold hearted person (Good for him!)
G: (blah blah blah something I didnt hear...)

So moments later the girl turns to her friends and says "did you hear that? I just got in a fight with Zac Hanson! I can't believe he called me cold-hearted. We arent on speaking terms anymore." Oh. Ok. Well I'm sure he will delete you from his speed dial then, since you aren't on speaking terms any longer. And the day was filled with people talking about the Hanson brothers as if they were close and personal friends. Ex: "Oh, Taylor would LOVE the jacket that that guy has on over there." "They won't sing 'I Will Come To You' tonight, you know thats a very personal song for them and they don't sing it publicly." And my personal favorite, "Zac is in a MUCH better mood today than he was yesterday. You know, he and his wife were fighting."
I know I sound critical, and Im not being mean. I'm just saying, these people are over the top. I saw multiple people crying today because they got a picture with one of them. Or a song they sang touched them deeply (mmmbop? really?). Or because Taylor didn't say "Thank you" when a girl returned something he dropped on the walk, which officially made him a 'dick head', but she loved him anyways. A girl reported that the other night, when they did a cover of a Police song, she would have cried, but she had an orgasm, induced by Taylors angelic voice, instead. Um...ok.
Now, not all Hanson fans are like this, but the REAL ones (obviously not me, and Katie is on the outskirts due to her normallcy) have their own subculture, which includes having fan organizers, a pre-organized list of the line-order for fans who are camping out but might get kicked out, and memorization of the entire lives of each Hanson family member, including wives and new children. And knowing every word to every song Hanson has EVER sung, including covers and even unreleased singles. And wearing a lot of merchandise, which has to include something bought, but can also include something homemade, like a purse or t-shirt or kimono. Also, they all know each other and are familiar with their concert habits, because the girl beside me at the show informed me that the spot I was in was good, because the pushers were on the other side of the stage, and there was just one kinda nutso fan named carly who would stand next to us in front of the piano like she always does, but she behaved last night. It's just bizarre.

The great news is that the concert was really good, and I enjoyed it immensely and my efforts to wake up early and sit in the cold for hours and hours paid off, because we were in the very front row, and I was right in front of Taylor. The music was good, and (I know they are married, but...)they are all quite attractive now. Even Isaac, who I wrote off as hopelessly unfortunate looking 10 years back. Zac looks a lot like Johnny Depp. Taylor makes good eye contact while singing, and I almost peed my pants a few times because his gaze met mine and was intense. (Note: this is NOT my claim that he paid any special attention to me. That would be crazy.) The amount of emphasis they put on the need of Africans (despite the generality of it) and the big impact of our little actions was great. And again, the music is just really quality. Give it a chance, I promise you won't be disapointed. I will put some pictures up in a little bit.

The only drawback to the night, besides losing a days worth of sleep and productivity? I missed game 7 of the ALCS, and therefore was not wearing my Red Sox hat, and that's why they lost tonight. Seriously, the only lose when I don't wear my hat. So I am sorry Red Sox Nation, I really am. And when the loss settles in, I will shed a little tear.

day 24

I skipped running today. I am sick. I went from a drippy nose to full-on mucusy gross overnight. Which is kind of funny because my friend Matt who is also running the marathon in January adopted me as his coach, and when he got sick I told him to run through it, which he didnt. And now look at me. I almost can't believe it, because I'm pretty sure skipping is just not something I do, and in college I would always wake up, knowing I was sick, but run first thing before my body was awake enough to realize what was going on. But lately I've been lacking my usual sleep (I mean, this holding down two part-time jobs thing is a pretty big deal) and I guess I'm just getting old. I just cant do the same things I did back during my crazy college years. Right.

Day 22

So I am a little bit off on my training schedule, and my long runs have been shoved from Saturdays to Sundays some weeks, and yesterday was one of those days. I did 14 miles yesterday, and despite the gorgeous weather and equally gorgeous running venue, it was one of 2 of the hardest I have had yet (the other hardest was surprisingly a 5 miler- more on that some other day). I ran in this park called DW Field park, and its got a few 2-3.5 mile loops around a few lakes. Around the last 2 mile loop, though, my legs would hardly move, and I was just..trudging. When I get tired, I usually shift my focus to different groups of muscles used to run. So I start off letting my thighs do the work, then when those are tired I focus on my calves, then my feet, then my arm momentum, butt for uphill, etc. Anyway, yesterday I ran out of muscle groups and had to turn to a different focus: slurpees. The path seemed to be extra long on that last loop, but I just kept thinking "one and a half miles till slurpee" and it worked!

But more excitingly, why is my schedule messed up sometimes? Because I started a job! Yesss! I am waitressing at a restaurant my godfather owns, and so far I LOVE it. I've always wanted to waitress but I never had the guts to branch away from kid-related jobs. Training lasted 3 days, and I am about to go fulfill my first shift all on my own. I would be scared, but the two biggest fiascos possible (dropping and breaking a plate, and breaking a coffee machine) already happened on my very first day, so what do I have to worry about? That, plus my dad AND my sister are coming in separately to visit, so I know at least 2 customers that wont get mad if I screw up their orders.

Anyway, along with this job and meeting new people here, I have been thinking a lot about they way I act around people. This is going to sound really bad at first, but usually when I look at a person, I subconsciously size them up and decide whether I am better than them or not. Trust me, it's not something I consciously do, it just happens. And then that determines if I am more reserved (if I feel like they are better than me) or not (vice versa) when I approach them. Its really bizarre, and I noticed and actively began thinking about it years ago, but I still haven't really come to any conclusions. I mean, what is the standard for "better" anyway? And what aspects of a person make me think what I do? Because consciously, I really try to believe that nobody is really better than anybody, because truthfully, value is relative. There are things that are opinions like prettier and funnier, and even calculable things like faster and smarter, but these aren't really an accurate measure for better. I'm pretty sure I'm not nearly the only person who does this. Just a thought I have been rolling around lately.

Day 15- Dishonesty

I don't like dishonesty. I'm fed up with it. I just don't understand why people are not straightforward with each other, instead of trying to lie and cover things up only to have it turn out worse later on. There are two specific groups of people that I would like to address with regards to dishonesty, and if I were to ever write them letters, here is what they would say:

Dear Politicians,
Why do you lie so much? You represent America. You claim to be working for the American People and that you care, but I don't think you do. Most Americans have jobs to do, or families to take care of, or school to study for, or better things to do than spending everyday researching you and how you voted on a particular piece of legislation, or what you think about social security, or what warning you give about a particular crisis thats looming ahead. So when we hear you talk on the news, or in the newspaper, or in debates, we trust what you are saying to be somewhat factual. But its not, and so I wonder if you think that it is the responsibility of the American Citizen to go behind you and research the statements that you made to be sure that they are true? If that is so, then you can't really care. Either that, or you are vain and misinformed. I don't understand why you can't just answer a question and say what you REALLY mean. Instead, you try to talk around it or just blatantly lie about it, and then expect to just work everything out behind closed doors when you are elected. And then most of you blame the other party for the mistakes that come as a result of all this, and act surprised, and say you warned everyone. You are ridiculous. And why do you spend so much money then try to make it sound like you are doing all you can to save us money? How can you realize that there are a lot of people in this country (not even to mention other countries) that can't afford health and dental care, or that people can't afford to live in a house, and then use your government credit card to pay for your cruise. Or dinner for you and your closest business associates at a thousand dollars a plate. Or for your expensive hooker. If you could just spend one billion dollars less on your campaign than you normally do (people won't miss the bumper stickers, really) then you could make sure that there are enough teachers in every school, since they are the ones teaching the next generation of leaders that you care about, right?
I know, I am kind of naive, and I will be the first to admit that I don't know as much about politics as I could, should I invest a few hours in looking up programs and laws that I hear about in passing. But all I am asking for is a little honesty. During the debates, I would like for you to say what you really think and what you really know that you are going to do, instead of saying what you think I want to hear. Explain things. Be honest and let Americans know that there ARE problems, and that gain takes sacrifice, and that there are just some things you can't do because life isn't always peachy. Somewhere deep down, I think everyone knows it, so you should just face it too. In conclusion, please stop lying.
Sincerely,
Sydney Moulton

Dear U.S. Airways,
You are jerks. And sneaky jerks, at that. I had to cancel a flight to the Bahamas in May because I did not have my passport. I did not have my passport because YOUR website told me I only needed a birth certificate. I somehow listened through my sobs of disappointment when your employee told me that I would have a $300 credit to use on future flights. And now, you want to charge me $150 to use MY credit? WHAT?!? I know that I checked the box that acknowledged that this flight was non-refundable, but I don't even want my money back. I just want to be able to use that money to fly your airline. I would even pay the $15 charge to check a bag. And I might even buy a soda or two, since you don't give those away for free either. Or you could have taught the woman at the ticket counter to tell customers that they should expect a ridiculously unfair charge when they try to use the credit, because at least I could brace myself for that. But no. You didn't, and you don't care about your customers either, and no, I WONT fly with you like your slogan tells me to. I'm flying Delta.
And they are giving me a free soda, too!
Love (but not really),
Sydney A. Moulton


In conclussion, I'm just really sick of dishonesty! I'm all for laying it out there on the table, and would prefer if this were a general, world-wide policy?
Training is good. I did 14 miles saturday and 5 (faster than usual but not on purpose!) today. yessss.

Day 11

I've been thinking a lot about the human body lately. First of all, because there are a lot of days when I don't want to exercise, but then I do, and I feel better. And it's during these times when I think about how blessed I am to have a healthy, strong body that can do things like run. Secondly, I've thought about training a body and it's limitations. Some people would say that if you work hard enough, you can train your body to do anything. I don't think I believe it.

In a way, sometimes I try to convince myself it's real. I found my mantra for this marathon on a page in Shape magazine, and it was a Nike ad, I think. It said "my lungs are a pair of little sissies that need to shut up." Something close to that. So basically, whenever I'm tired or my legs feel like my feet are cement blocks, I just think about this statement and tell my body to shut up and keep going. And it works! But I mean, lots of people have run marathons without stopping, so I'm really not defying any laws of nature or anything.

But sometimes I think about Olympic Marathoners, or people who actually win races, and they run so fast! Constantina Tomescu, the woman who got first place this year ran around a 5 minute mile consistently, for all 26.2 miles, and somehow survived. (She's in her 40s, fyi). Then, just to drive home the point, she ran so many victory laps around the indoor stadium that the announcers stopped counting. And the "slow ones" in the chase pack probably ran about a 5:30 mile, if that. Really?! How? I can't imagine ever running a 5 minute mile once, and definitely not 26 times in a row. So I just wonder what makes an athlete super, and how much heredity plays into these things, and if anyone can really be an olympic-quality runner, or gymnast, or ping-pong player, or whatever.

Even if this isn't the case, I just really think that the human body is amazing, and it's crazy how hard it can work. And the way your muscles move together, and they tear and heal and build themselves, and little joints like ankles support the whole rest of the body. And toes help keep everything balanced. And your hair and toenails just keep growing and growing. And women can grow another human being inside their bellies. And your brain sees and processes and reacts so fast...I don't even know that much about the brain but what I do know is even too much for me to think about sometimes. Have you ever thought about how your body parts move? I wonder about that, like all I have to do is think about moving my arm, and want to move it, and it happens. Really quickly. I don't know all the logistics, but I think it's pretty sweet.

So anyways, the point is I am really thankful for being healthy and able to do everything that I can. There are a lot of people that aren't physically capable to do even everyday things. And I know I'm not always going to be like this either, because bodies get old and they just can't. So whenever I don't want to run, I think about that. And I hope you think about it too, and take care of yourself because you can.

I think I could go on and on forever and take this a billion different ways, but that's enough for today.

ps- today is a gorgeous fall day, and it's warm enough to wear a running skirt, but breezy enough to blow leaves off the trees and send them swirling in the street. I LOVE that. I also love candy corn, especially the little pumpkins. I just can't get enough of it. Well, I really can...but it's still really yummy.

Day 7-

I was going to shred the book "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running" by Haruki Murakami via my own personal book review, but I am exhausted tonight. It was a busy weekend, and I really need a fresh mind to do that one right.

My exhaustion can be attributed to many factors, but the best one by far is that my friend was here visiting, primarily checking out Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary, but also visiting me. And she's pretty draining. Other factors include: a walking tour of Boston in the rain, a trip to Ikea, getting a (p/t) job, the most delicious boston cream donut I have ever had in my life, and a great church service. And waddling through most of it, resulting from Friday's extremely squat-intensive workouts that rendered me so sore that my grandma offered me her walker. Seriously.

oh yeah, and my first long run!!! This one was exciting because it has been raining all weekend. Down pouring. And besides snow, rain is my favorite weather condition for running because it makes me feel, in the words of Kathryn Waller, like a badasss$$$! You only see really hardcore people running out in the rain, and even though I'm not one of them, it makes me feel like I could join their ranks, and that is enough. I mean, that is until I run through some low-hanging tree branches that just happen to have thorns that catch on my ponytail, yanking me back and keeping me stuck for a good minute while I hunch over, but still jog in place (if I stop during training I will NEVER make it in the race!) trying to get free. I only wish that one of the honking cars had stopped to ask if I needed help, because the would have made the moment truly inspiring.
anyway, I haven't run anything over 6 miles straight since...May. That's a long time ago, so I am really pleased and very encouraged. I even managed to stay on pace!

Speaking of all things badass, my older sister has agreed to run a Turkey Trot 5k with me on Thanksgiving Day. That's kind of a big deal because she HATES running. Well, you just go, Jessica. And those nine weeks of intensive training will seem like a small price to pay for the sweet new running outfit you get to buy yourself for the race : )

Day Four- and free ice cream at Cold Stone!

So it's already day four of marathon training. I don't know how this week has gone by so fast, but it has. And it's been good as far as running has gone.

One of the things I have enjoyed the most is the feeling of hurting muscles. Not like, injury hurt, but good work-out hurt. It's a great feeling, and I think it is because the pain is a sign that I am pushing myself. I have not done that in a long time. One time last year in Charlottesville, I was running a few miles and I realized halfway through that I wasn't even breathing hard. It's like my body is so used to it that I can do so without actually trying that hard, and that is not a good thing. I'm not good at pushing myself physically, so this goal that I have set for myself is a good thing. Yesterday's run was a "tempo run," which means that I have a mile for warm-up and cool-down at a comfortable pace, then all the miles in between are faster and gradually increase in speed over the course of training. I have a love-hate relationship with tempo runs, because the only way to survive long runs is not to think about it while you're doing it, but the only way to run fast is to be completely conscious of how fast your legs are moving and if in fact you are moving them to your full potential. (And by "you," I really meant "I"). So anyways, I survived, and then I got home and stretched, and then I couldn't move. My butt hurt for the rest of the day, and I love that. I'm looking forward to the complete exhaustion I will feel, especially after super-super long runs, because after all that work I deserve to lay around in my pajamas all day : )

Anyway, just in case you did not know,Cold Stone is having the World's Biggest Ice Cream Social tonight and they will be giving out free ice cream, so go if you can! I know it's not exactly in my diet (oh, when I get to a sugar-withdrawl breaking point, there will most likely be a whole post dedicated to this), but its benefiting the Make A Wish foundation, and who am I to disregard an opportunity to be generous?

Have a wonderful day!

Get Pumped!

Training officially starts tomorrow. Today, I am preparing for tomorrow by celebrating Kathryn Waller's birthday in a most appropriate way- Macaroni & Cheese and Ice cream. Obvi.